The Witch in Aperature
by AdamGregory03
Summary: What happens when a certain sexy witch winds up in a facility with a mute woman with a portal gun, a British robot core, and a cynical main computer system operating it all? ...Pretty much the one thing you would expect to ensue: Shenanigans.


Opens inside of the Aperature Science Testing Facilities. An orange Portal appears on a white panel, and Chell leaps out of it, holding the Portal Gun and bringing the Companion Cube with her, as Wheatley floats through the portal afterwards. Chell places the cube on a weighted switch that opens the doorway to the next chamber.

 **GLaDOS:** "Impressive. No test subject has ever made it this far through the new facility yet. But then again you are the only veteran here. The only one determined to ruin my life."

 **Wheatley:** "OH MY GOD WILL YOU LET IT GO, WOMAN? I'VE SAID I'M SORRY AS MANY TIMES AS I POSSIBLY COULD! WHAT DO I GOTTA DO, DO A FLIPPING HANDSTAND!?" (Pants as Chell touches him) "I'm... I'm sorry. It's just... Doing this for so long does things to a person... I actually have no idea how you're perfectly sane right now."

 **GLaDOS:** "...Well, I estimate you will be glad to know that there are only forty three chambers left before you are rewarded with freedom and cake."

 **Wheatley:** "Oh no, oh, NO. We are NOT falling for that again. You better mean it this time, you hear me!?" (Chell touches him again) "...Right, right, straight face, straight face."

 **GLaDOS:** "Test subjects will... Hang on..."

The lights suddenly begin flickering.

 **GLaDOS:** "Unidentified energy readings have been detected..."

 **Wheatley:** "Unidentified? Oh no, that's bad, isn't it? Please tell me that's not bad..."

A black rift suddenly start appears on the ceiling, with odd shapes on it."

 **GLaDOS:** "It app-appears to be m-m-m-messing with my-MY-MY-my-mmmyyyyyy..."

The power temporarily goes down, leaving the room only slightly dim. Chell looks around and finds her portal gun is also malfunctioning.

 **Wheatley:** "Oh... Oh god, oh no... Um... Ah... O-okay, so... This isn't so bad, you know. It's all about how you react to it. Just have to remember not to panic and, and think happy thoughts. Like... Like kittens, and beaches, and... and kittens on the beach..."

The rift finally opens up into a black portal.

 **?:** "Oh. Looks like more fun to be had."

 **Wheatley:** "Oh... N-no fun here! No, you can uh... Turn back to whatever dimension you may or may not have come from-"

Bayonetta suddenly appears out of the black portal and lands hard, shaking the floor and causing Chell to fall over.

 **Wheatley:** "AH! A-are you all right?"

Bayonetta then kicks Wheatley hard and sends him ricocheting off of the walls numerous times.

 **Wheatley:** "OW! AH! OW! I'M NOT! OW! I'M NOT ALL RIGHT! OUCH! OW!"

Chell sits up just as Bayonetta aims one of her pistols directly at her forehead, making her gasp.

 **Bayonetta:** "Now, would you be a dear and mind telling me where I am exactly?"

Chell just stares at her, not responding.

 **Bayonetta:** "Hmm, not much for words, are you? Oh well. I can't stand the talkative types anyway."

 **Wheatley:** "AAAH!" (Lands and rolls along the ground) "Aaaaaaaahhh..." (Is stopped by Bayonetta's heel) "Ooh... Oh god I think I'm going to throw up... Well, okay, no I'm not, but I certainly would if I could right now..."

The lights suddenly become brighter, as GLaDOS gets back online.

 **GLaDOS:** "My apologies for that. Just a brief power outage. I minor setback at mo-" (Notices Bayonetta) "...What are you doing here? These chambers are made for only one test subject at a time."

 **Bayonetta:** (Turns away from Chell and aims pistols upwards) "You must be the one in charge here."

 **GLaDOS:** "Correct. And as the person in charge I must demand that you leave."

 **Bayonetta:** "Oh, believe me, I certainly would leave this little dump if I could. But, I'm afraid it won't be possible for a while. Been doing a little hopping around from place to place recently. Something out of my control, unless you've got a church here."

 **GLaDOS:** "Oh well. That was a rhetorical statement anyway. Because you can't leave unless you're smart enough."

 **Wheatley:** "Um, she's... She's not lying. At all. We've been doing this for... Eighty chambers. Eighty chambers of... blue and orange, and... bouncing up here and bouncing over there... And those annoying little heevils that just look at you and DON'T STOP SHOOTING YOU! EVEN THOUGH YOU'RE A MACHINE TOO! I SEE YOU! THERE YOU ARE! THERE YOU ARE! AAAAAGH!"

Pause as Chell and Bayonetta just stare at Wheatley.

 **Wheatley:** "...But, you know, who's counting?"

Bayonetta smirks and picks Wheatley up.

 **Wheatley:** "AH! Please don't hurt me."

 **GLaDOS:** "You said you require a church to leave...?"

 **Bayonetta:** "That I did."

 **GLaDOS:** "Oh. Well that's convenient then. We have a church room. Where you can do your church things to leave."

 **Bayonetta:** "Perfect. After all, this is no place for a witch."

 **GLaDOS:** "Really, this is no suitable place for anyone, except for the cockroaches."

 **Bayonetta:** (Looks around) "There... There are cockroaches here...?"

 **GLaDOS:** "Only a few. Hundred. Maybe thousand. But don't worry. Most of them are far beneath the facility. Most of them."

 **Bayonetta:** "...Oh, I can tell we'll get along just swimmingly."

 **GLaDOS:** "Yes. We will become the B.F.F.s." (Cues laughing) "That was my new laugh track protocol that I activate whenever I say something humorous."

 **Wheatley:** "So... You're a witch, huh? Might I say you don't look anything like a witch. I mean, at least the ones I've seen. They're usually green and warty and... have funny hats."

 **Bayonetta:** "Well I hope I don't look like that, otherwise I don't have much point for living."

 **Wheatley:** "...You're quite the shallow one, aren't you?"

 **Bayonetta:** "Mm-hmm." (Tosses Wheatley over his shoulder) "Friends call me Cereza, by the way."

 **Wheatley:** "AAAGH!" (Is caught by Chell) "Ah... Um... Well then. I'm Wheatley, and this is uh... Oh, wait, you've never actually told me your name... Beverly? You look like a Beverly. ...Yeah, this is Beverly."

Chell just rolls her eyes.

 **Bayonetta:** "Well then... Shall we get out of this horrid place?"

Chell and Wheatley exchange glances, and then she carries him with her as she joins Bayonetta.

 **GLaDOS:** "Oh. Sure. Everyone come on board the testing. It'll be exciting. Or terrifying. Or both."

GLaDOS slams the doors behind them.

 **GLaDOS:** "For you."

 _ **TO BE CONTINUED.**_


End file.
